Two Ears, One Mouth - Good Advice

If there is one aspect of 21st century political life that I regret having to expose my eldest daughter to, it's the highly charged emotional rancor of the citizenry when talking politics. I cannot think of a topic simultaneously so popular and so socially painful. To turn a phrase from that 20th century philosopher, Forrest Gump, "(Political discussions) are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

Last week, I informed Marra's art teacher that she would miss her scheduled class on October 17th. We would be in New Hampshire. Her first (and only) question to me was, "Who are you for?" Of course, I get this question all the time, and I know how to field this one. "We're not for anyone yet. That's one of the reasons we are traveling to New Hampshire. We want to meet the candidates and their supporters up close to help us make that decision."

As Marra will soon learn, however, that stock answer just isn't good enough for some. "But who do you think will win?" she pressed. An entirely different question, or so I thought. This question called for an objective analysis of current polling data, and a subjective review of the political winds. To answer this new question, I would need to dispassionately consider the primary and caucus calendars, the strength of the candidate organizations within those states, and their overall fundraising potential. I mentally collated my wealth of knowledge and responded with confidence.

"I believe that the Republicans, despite the national polls pointing to Guiliani, have an excellent chance of heading into their nominating convention without a consensus standard bearer. On the Democratic side, it will be difficult to stop Clinton from becoming the nominee, based on the strength of her organization and her seemingly endless supply of donors and money." Given the facts, all quite reasonable. But my answer was filtered through the prism of her original question, "Who are you for?"

What I said (and was not heard): "Hillary has the best chance to be the nominee for the Democrats."
What was heard (and never said): "I want Hillary because she is the best candidate in the race, and she represents everything that I hope America can become."

My actual response to the question was now erased from the history books. Marra's teacher's emotional genie was out of the bottle, and a tidal wave of talk radio talking points crashed down on my head. "...socialized medicine...government take over...in Europe, you have to wait 7 months to see a doctor...we aren't teaching responsibility and sacrifice to our children...why are the children taught to hate this country?"

I was being lectured at, not listened to. So I did what most of us have done in the past in similar situations. I kept nodding politely, not rebutting her inane contentions, and inched towards the nearest exit. I am sure that she felt, by my silence, that I agreed with every rant she made...and I did, to a point. I agree that waiting 7 months to see a doctor is too long. I agree that children need to learn responsibility. Our opinions parted company after that. Her implication that that proposed Clinton health care plan would cause heart attack victims to suffer for 7 months before diagnosis and treatment I could not accept. First of all, I'll wager she has not read the plan. Heck, it's only been out for a week! Frankly, I was frightened away from more discussion with her by the sheer intensity of her partisan blindness. Now I didn't want to listen. Five minutes later, I backed out the door, the perception of a cordial teacher-parent relationship intact for the both of us.

Marra witnessed and overheard this "exchange", so I felt the need to debrief her when we arrived at the car. "Marra," I began, "I'm sure you heard that your teacher has some strong opinions on politics and the political candidates. When we're in New Hampshire, we'll meet lots of people with strong opinions, and many will be very passionate and emotional about their views. When that happens, I will need your help - GET ME OUT OF THERE! Tell me you need to use the bathroom, you're hungry, you saw a ghost, ANYTHING. But you've got to save me, got it?"

"So you want me to lie?"

OK, so not the lesson I intended for her. My point, though, is this: To all my dozens of readers, don't scare off competing views with irrational one-sided rants. Believe it or not, that person you are speaking at might have a meaningful opinion that could shape your views in another direction. Don't scare that person away. Encourage the dialogue. You just might learn something.

JS